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You Can’t Get Rich if You’re A Tone-Deaf Indie Myspace Band

About a block from where I work, there’s a coffee shop that makes the best quesadillas in town. I go down there two or three times a week to grab dinner. Unfortunately, it seems like every time I walk in, there’s some horrible local emo-pop band in there hell-bent on wrecking my eardrums. They always have overpriced Cafepress shirts, they always have flyers advertising their Myspace page, and they always suck.

Thanks digital distribution

The one that was playing last night even tried to charge me $2 to get in. I told him to piss off and that I was there for the food, not the band (tech support puts me in a bad mood). I ended up having to use a combination of sign language, writing, and pointing at the menu to communicate with the barista, since the band was so loud. After I placed my order, I had a good ten minutes to witness a terrible assault on my senses and enumerate their many issues. If you’re a part of, or have ever wanted to make your own band, pay attention:

The venue is everything

The coffee shop I was in is about the size and shape of a shoebox. Shoeboxes don’t have good acoustics (only slightly better than a two-dimensional shape). The band, of course, compensated for this by turning up the volume to glass-shatteringly high levels.

The singer is probably holding you back

I have to admit that the drummer, guitarist, and bassist were all pretty good. The vocalist, on the other hand, was too loud, off beat, and tone deaf. Ruined the whole experience.

Make sure your equipment is working before going live

Apparently there were two guitarists, but one was having technical issues. For three songs.

Don’t send mixed signals

You have depressing, emo clothes and haircuts. Your backdrop is black. Your hair has been dyed black. Your logo is a skull (on a black background). Why are you dancing around like monkeys and singing about how life is great and you’ll never give up?

Don’t quit your day job

If you’re performing in a coffee shop to 13 people, you’re probably not very good.  Fire your singer and stay in school.

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6 Responses to “You Can’t Get Rich if You’re A Tone-Deaf Indie Myspace Band”

  1. two outside perspectives on micro music marketing « www.kurb.co.nz Says:

    [...] http://www.cantgetrich.com/2008/04/22/you-cant-get-rich-if-youre-a-tone-deaf-indie-myspace-band/ [...]

  2. Josh Says:

    Hey, I think I’ve seen that band! They really do suck.

  3. marco Says:

    i agree with everything besides the don’t send mixed signals part. sound and sight are two separate things and i don’t think it should matter what the bands “image” is. it’s expressing themselves through their music that they are (or should be) focused on… not expressing their sound through their clothes.

    that being said.. sounds like that band sucked anyways.

  4. Gibby Jabby Says:

    Well, what do you expect?? They were emos. And I too have seen many of these bands, aughhh what is music coming to these days??

  5. Andy Says:

    “I told him to piss off and that I was there for the food”

    Fantastic. LMAO.

  6. Kyle Says:

    So… I have a confession. i was in a band like that freshman and sophomore year of high school… yea, not my proudest days. but we did have fun. even if we didn’t play any good shows, wrote a bunch of 3 chord songs, and played in drop D (i still shudder every time i play a song in drop d) it was a good starting point. Everyone needs a start somewhere. Hopefully someday these musicians will realize that every possible 3 chord progression has already been written, and move on to better things. like me.

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